In My Dreams...

Ok, I've been vividly remembering my dreams,every single night for the last couple weeks. I've had messed up dreams about Nick taking on a second wife who was a hot, young, beautiful, blond and I was fine with it and loved her like a sister. I've also dreamt about Nick telling me I really had gotten fat and he was sick of it.

Last night's was the craziest, though. I dreamt that I was cutely pregnant and I was going into labor. I was at home and nurses came and stuck all these needles in my arm like acupuncture and I basically popped the baby out! -Yay!- but instead of seeing the baby I just turned my head and went to sleep. (All this felt normal, by the way.) I woke up and considered the wonderful nap I'd just taken then realized OH MY GOSH! I JUST HAD A BABY! I got out of bed and walked to the other side of the room. (Body all back to normal and no pain.) The baby was lying on the floor -head covered by a blanket- and a nurse and Nick were on banana chairs playing X-Box, not at all paying attention to the baby. I picked the little guy up and squeezed it tightly and got mad at Nick and the nurse. We then went to dinner in some giant cafeteria that was connected to the room which was our house. I was talking and joking with everyone and half way through the meal I realized I'd left the baby in the room on the floor. I ran back to get it and this time it was in a pile of laundry on the floor be the side of my bed. I picked it up, frustrated at myself for being so irresponsible and I brought it to the cafeteria. I began having fun again and then realized I'd forgotten about the baby, again, who'd fallen off the table onto the dirt floor. I picked it up and started crying. I felt terribly inadequate and that I never should have wanted a baby. I knew I wasn't responsible enough to watch over a little one.

I then woke up to the wonderful world of much welcomed reality, but I still had the feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness from my dream. I felt very depressed this morning, but I soon put the dream behind me when I started working. As I write about the dream, now, I can recognize that it truly was not reality. I absolutely love children. I am responsible when it comes to them, I truly care about each individual child. I know that if I had one of my own I would never, ever forgot about him or her. Whew, there... I feel a lot more secure than I did this morning. :) Now I better go write about the polygamist and fat dreams so I don't hold onto those feeling, either. ;)